Life and other bullshit
I can't sleep. All these thoughts keep swirling around and there's nothing I can do except watch them and watch myself act when I realize that I have no conscious control over it anymore. Even as I'm writing this, I sit there and watch my fingers rapidly flick over the keys and hope, pray, jettison that I'm not making typos. I guess I'll go back over them later anyway. It's weird, though. I feel like I'm not sober, but I've been sober for so long. I'm utterly scared of getting fucked up, now. It's a pain enough to go through the day without putting that extra stress of hallucinogenic experiences on my mind. No, not any of that for me. Instead, I'll plod away, clutch my crystal close to my heart, and wish that something will break and my mind will fly free of this mortal realm into the dream world where I truly belong. But it's so hard to get there and stay there. I was dreaming about taking a test in Canada on a computer, and when I finished, the computer opened up and spat out $20 in four five dollar bills. Now, if that isn't syntactically confusing, I don't know what is. But that's not the point. The point is that, in the dream, after the money incident, the computer began giving me commands in Japanese. The others around the store I was in (I was in some sort of strange convenience store with computers stationed around the place) knew exactly what the computer was talking about, and apparently it was humorous, because they started laughing at the Japanese jokes the computer was making. I was confounded. Absolutely stumped. Maybe that's the point. You're not supposed to go through life knowing everything. I sure as hell don't know any Japanese. That's what's always tickled me; do your dreams emulate things you don't comprehend, or is there some sort of cosmic storage that your brain taps into while you sleep and steals information from? I mean, is my mind seriously powerful enough to make a computer "sound" like it's speaking a language I don't know? That doesn't make much sense to me. It's either a collection of ideas that I have about Japanese spoken syntax, or... or there's some serious shit going on here. It's my life goal to understand what dimethyltryptamine does to the brain. That, and how hallucinations take the form of things you've never really seen. I mean, the mind has the ability to perceive any physical object, so I believe that a hallucination is just a randomized combination of your brain's sensory abilities, but that's just a guess from someone uneducated in these fields. The real answers to my questions are out there, though, and I'm sure someone on this Earth could explain, in detail, them things to me. But until that day happens, I will voraciously pursue those goals.